Struggling to Feel the Spirit

Brothers and sisters, the first thing you need to know if you are feeling alone, disconnected from the spirit, or abandoned by God is you are not alone and you are not to blame. I hope you don't feel any sort of shame or guilt in association with this struggle. I hope you know that while you may be struggling to feel so, you are very much loved.

If you love someone who has confessed to struggling to feel the spirit, let me tell you right now that they. are. doing. enough. They have prayed. They have fasted. They have asked what they need to do to do better. They aren't ignoring the spirit to find specific answers. They're trying and if they've opened up about it...they're probably at their wit's end. Be kind. Listen to them. Don't feel like you need to solve their problems or have the perfect answer. More than anything, they need support, not accusations. Take the time to focus on being Christlike and understanding.

Christ Felt Alone, Too

Loneliness is an incredibly difficult reality of mortality. Christ, himself felt this, especially during his time in the garden of Gethsemane. In Matthew 26:36-40 we read a heart-wrenching account of the Savior in what had to have been the hardest, loneliest moment of his earthly life. Many of the trials Christ went through, we will also face (just...maybe not to such an extreme degree). He set the example for us. Through his loneliest, heaviest night, when none other were able to dwell with him, he prayed. I believe that our loneliest, most desperate prayers are heard by all of Heaven.

If you take nothing further from this blog, I hope you know that you're loved, you're heard, and you are not alone-even if you feel that you are. I invite you all to read Matthew 26 and reflect on the Savior and what he went through. Our mission in life is to be more like Christ. How can you handle your own loneliness and trials more like how Christ does?

Frequent Prayer

This is usually the first question asked when we open up to others about struggling to feel the spirit, and there's a reason for that. For us to receive the spirit is a form of communication between ourselves and the Lord. Communication requires effort on both sides, and prayer is the greatest way we can reach out to Heavenly Father. The best part of all of this is, prayer is something we can do anytime, anywhere. Heavenly Father has blessed us with free agency, the ability to choose for ourselves. It's completely up to us to start the conversation.

Jeremiah 29:12-13 reads, "Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart". What I take away from this is we have to seek him and our hearts have to be in the right place. Make sure that as you're praying, you're doing so for the right reasons. Do it because you genuinely want to connect with your father, really be present in the conversation, and be willing to receive any and all responses.

Tips for effective prayer:

Do it often. You need Heavenly Father, all of the time. Pray in gratitude when you wake up. Offer genuine thanks at every meal. Talk to him about the situations you're facing during the day. Ask him to bless all of your activities as you take on projects. Review your day with him before bed. Pour your heart out to him! You can never pray too much.
Be present. You're having an actual conversation with a real, divine being. He's your parent! He wants you to be present in the conversation. Saying the words while your mind is wandering elsewhere renders the prayer null and void. Focus. Think about the things you're saying. Mean the words you say. Be conscious and attentive. Who wants to have a conversation with someone who isn't paying any attention or just has a bunch of empty words to offer?
Be open. Tell God what's on your mind! He can't heal the things we refuse to acknowledge. Tell him you're doubting, tell him you're hurting, you're scared, you're miserable, and so on and so forth. Don't worry about formalities. I can't tell you how many prayers I've offered have started out, "dad I'm so angry about this! I'm so tired of it! They've done this and that and the other thing and it's not getting any better and..." and then turned into "help me forgive them" and ended up with me praying for the people that caused me so much heartache in the first place.
Be humble and receptive. God may be trying to tell you something you just don't want to hear. Maybe you've been praying to feel the spirit and he's been trying to tell you, "I'm trying, but you won't be still enough to pay attention". Make sure you're taking quiet time to just be with God. If you don't know what areas you could be more humble in, ask him!

Scripture Study

Hosea 4:6 really captures what I feel is the greatest purpose of scripture study. We need to study the scriptures. It says, "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: because thou hast rejected knowledge, I will also reject thee, that thou shalt be no priest to me: seeing thou hast forgotten the law of thy God, I will also forget thy children". I, personally, get a lot out of that scripture. Let's break it down;

"My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge". I don't believe this is God throwing a fit over people not reading his books or being smart enough for him (heh...that would be me though). This is God saying that because his people have neglected to learn, they're falling. Without knowledge of God, without knowledge of our purpose in life and how we can best live the gospel, we can't thrive. We have to seek his word. We simply can not make it through this life without it. That's huge!
"Because thou hast rejected knowledge, I will also reject thee, that thou shalt be no priest to me". This is absolutely the precursor to the parable of the 10 virgins. We trim our lamps, or prepare for Christ, by filling our minds with the gospel and then living it. Where else can we go to learn of Heavenly Father's will for us besides the scriptures? We can't be ready for the celestial kingdom if we haven't sought his wisdom and aligned our wills as closely to his as we can.
"seeing thou hast forgotten the law of thy God, I will also forget thy children". As we stray away from God's law, or adapt it to match our wills, we abandon God. We can not pass onto our children that which we have forsaken. If we don't really dig into the scriptures, we're missing out on a lot of things that our children need us to raise them with.

So, now we have to figure out if we're studying the scriptures or just reading them. When we study the scriptures, we've carved out time to dedicate to them. It's quiet, or we have gentle, inspiring music playing in the background. We have a way of keeping notes of things we've learned such as a notebook, highlighter, or word document (just to name a few). We contemplate what the scriptures are saying to us, thinking about everything from the precise word choice to how we can relate them to our own lives. We take note of when scripture is repeated or echoes a scripture from a previous book. We pray before we study to have the spirit with us so we can pick up on nuances and messages from the spirit.

When we're simply reading the scriptures, we're really just passing our eyes over the words. We may be doing it just to fit it in before bed on our phones. We're not taking notes. We don't draw comparisons. Our minds and spirits aren't fully engaged with our reading and we can't really take away from the gospel what we need.

Tips for effective scripture reading

Start with a <sincere> prayer.
Do it in a reverent setting such as a quiet and secluded bedroom, or with your family.
Commit and follow through. Set a scheduled time every single day to read your scriptures. Do it, even if it's just one verse.
Have conversations about what you read. If you can't have a conversation about it, you didn't pay enough attention.
Follow the highlighted words to the topical guide, use the bible dictionary, and look up unfamiliar words.
Watch accompanying videos, listen to hymns, or read talks that are relevant to what you read.
Take notes, highlight scriptures, or do scripture art to help you focus and absorb what's being taught.
Pray to know that what you read is true!

Serve Others-Everyday

We can't connect to God if we aren't engaged in his work. Selfless service, in my mind, is what the church is based on. The priesthood? To bless the lives of others. Relief Society? "...work in unity to help those in need". Parenthood? Completely selfless. We have to give and help others the way Christ would! If you are struggling to feel the spirit, I really encourage you to seek out opportunities to serve. Think about others. Find people who need support. Compliment strangers! There are so many things we can do for others that will absolutely impact them in large ways we may not even realize.

Serving others the Christlike way

Pray for opportunities to serve others and be willing to accept any and every answer.
Actively search for people who are struggling throughout your day.
Do a chore for someone (cook for a parent who normally does the cooking, wash a roommate's dishes, etc)
Pay for someone's meal or cook for a friend/neighbor/family member.
Share the gospel when able.
Pray for others.
Teach others.
Volunteer your time or donate to well-researched and reliable charities.
Participate in church volunteer activities (or ask your bishop, Relief Society president, or Priesthood leaders who in the ward could use your help).
Really participate in your calling! Give it your all. No matter what calling you have, you are contributing to the Lord's kingdom.
Become temple worthy, receive your temple recommend, and serve others by performing ordinances on their behalf.
Fast for others.
Share your testimony, no matter how great or small.
Gain an education or skill in between actively helping others so that you can be in a greater position to help in more ways.

Mosiah 2:7 says, "And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God". We can serve the Lord by serving his children. Can you imagine helping someone's kids out and not developing a relationship with their parent? That would be pretty weird, dude! Your relationship with God-and, therefore, your ability to feel the spirit and grow in your testimony will only grow as you serve.

Invite the Spirit and Spiritual Helpers

Our modern society is so busy! Everything is loud and unrelenting. Everyone is supposed to have an angry opinion about everything. It feels like everything is harshly critical of that which is good while celebrating sin. It's hard to catch your breath, and even harder to get along with so many people. It's easy to fall into bad habits and stray from the Lord. Honestly, how easy is it to become distracted or fearful of being too "religious" for other people's taste.

All of that considered and completely understood, we need to focus more on creating space for the spirit to dwell rather than fitting in with everyone else. Here are some things I think we could all afford to refine in our personal lives to grow closer to the spirit:

Be intentional with your media. Don't watch, play, read, or listen to things that would be offensive to the spirit (violence, sexual immorality, abuse, and idol worship are all things to look out for).
Mind your words. Using angry, rude, crude, or explicit language does not invite the spirit. We are all representatives of Christ at all times. We don't get a day off, and our actions and words reflect on the entire church. Make sure that the things you are saying align with who Christ is and wants you to be.
Take breaks from the news, social media, etc. These places can lead to feelings of overwhelming anger, fear, helplessness, and distractions from the spirit. While we do need to engage with the communities we live in and be vessels for the Lord to work through, there are ways to do that without having to sink deep down into the mud of society. Social media is wonderful when it comes to connecting with loved ones and spreading the gospel. That said, some things are best left out of our psyche, some attitudes are better left alone, and some arguments are better left untouched.

If you aren't sure if you've got any cleaning up to do in these areas, absolutely pray for guidance!

Reconcile Your View of God

God is all-powerful. He's in charge of everything and...yes, that includes the ultimate fate of our souls. Christianity at large has been plagued by this idea that God is angry all of the time, merciless, just dying for us to give him an excuse to strike us down. Something about the idea of this divine, powerful being having the responsibility of providing the ultimate judgment and deciding our fate really disturbs a lot of people, leaving them suspicious or untrusting of God.

I think it's crucial that the brothers and sisters struggling with their faith in God really examine how they view God. If you have distrust, suspicion, anger, jealousy, or fear of God, you're blocking yourself in the worst ways from being able to really build a relationship with him. We are not God's prisoners. We are not doomed. Heavenly Father loves us. Yes, he's stern (we're here for a very challenging purpose), but he's so loving.

If you want to contemplate the nature of God, I invite you to read about Christ. Reading the accounts of Christ's life, as well as the Book of Mormon's references to our Savior will really help you come to appreciate who God really is.

Some scriptures I recommend to those struggling to know God:

I also highly recommend this talk by Jeffrey R. Holland. Elder Holland has always had a beautiful way of phrasing things. James E. Faust also delivered a fantastic talk aimed towards struggling members.

Why the Conversation is Always About What WE Need to Do to Feel the Spirit

Christ is constantly reaching out to us. the invitation to accept his atonement and take his name upon us is always there. He's already doing everything he can to establish a relationship with each and every one of us. That said, we have our free agency and he will never violate that. It's up to us to be receptive, to seek him out, and to be honest with ourselves about how well we're doing when it comes to living the gospel.

If you are struggling to feel the spirit, do all you can do to connect. If even after all you can do, you still find that you are struggling, bear down and hold to the rod through this trial. Whatever you do though, don't beat yourself up. Not only does negative self-talk chase away the spirit, but it's completely unnecessary! I don't think anyone goes through life without having experienced this trial, if not something similar, at some point or another. Please, commit to living the gospel, seek your seat at the Lord's table, and find peace with yourself. It is so worth it in the end. And remember, you are so, so loved!

For further reading and encouragement, I recommend these resources:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xc6TQ0Ej-BY-The Power of the Holy Spirit: Feeling the Holy Ghost

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s8B3FzWDsZ0-The Power of the Holy Spirit: Receiving Revelation

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ckuIXECbB5E-What do we do when we feel nothing?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xVw6PsSinI-History of Joseph Smith (who was a great example of being receptive and humble for the spirit!)

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