There and Back Again

       One of the most common criticisms I hear of the Abrahamic religions, in general, is that our preaching of "free agency" is negated by all of the commandments given by God. I've grappled with this idea for most of my life. What's the point of free agency if you're supposed to use it a particular way? Do you really have free agency if you're supposed to abide by the commandments? Isn't God being kind of vindictive by giving you this "gift" of free agency and then immediately punishing you if you don't use it correctly?         The definition of "free agency" in Latter-day Saint theology is " the privilege of choice which was introduced by God the Eternal Father to all of his spirit children in the premortal state ". We know that free agency is the ability to choose for ourselves which path we'll take and how far we'll take it. To fully understand why we have this power, we have to look at what

       July 15th, 2017 I entered the LDS temple in Rexburg, Idaho to receive my endowments. I approached it with hope that this experience would strengthen my relationship with our Heavenly Father, and that I would receive a special personal testimony of my unique identity and role in Heavenly Father's great plan of happiness. Instead, I found myself feeling sick, broken, and confused. After weeks of prayer and intense study and contemplation in an attempt to salvage my testimony, I had to step away from the church (and spirituality as a whole). A few short months later, I elected to leave the church, officially, in an attempt to remain honest with myself and others. It seemed like the thing a person with integrity would do.         Fast forward a year and a half later, and I find myself turning back to Christ. A desperate plea to forgive those who had viciously crossed me and the need to understand some personal spiritual experiences led me to prayer and that prayer confir