Disclaimer: My mission in this post is not to vilify, isolate, or shame any member of the LGBT+ community. In my experiences both as a member and ex-member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I have seen an abundance of misrepresentation of the church's views on homosexuality and eternal marriage. It is only my intention to shed a bit more light on the church's perspective and highlight the underrepresented truth. While the language I use in this post will be blunt and straight forward, it is not written with a disrespectful spirit. Furthermore, any comparisons made between the homosexual experience and more menial experiences are made simply to educate, or illustrate a point, and not to belittle or suggest that they are equally painful.
As someone who has existed in and out of the church, I've had the opportunity to view many different perspectives on whether or not the church is moral in its teachings about homosexuality and gender. It's been a controversial topic for at least as long as I've been alive. Due to the emotionally volatile nature of the debate and elements of false doctrine or misunderstanding of history and doctrine, I've heard an abundance of falsehoods surrounding the topic. When strong emotions become involved, I personally believe the best approach to finding the truth is taking a step back to think rationally and objectively. Truth is key to navigating this topic in our current day.
Let's start off with what is easily observable. The church believes that life has a purpose. We believe that we are here to gain bodies and with those bodies gain experience and spiritual strength. I think it's fair to say that most, if not all, religions have something to this effect in their teachings. Heavenly Father has a plan for all of us. This plan is often referred to as the "Plan of Salvation", the "Plan of Happiness", or the "Plan of Redemption".
The scriptures tell us,
"And Aaron did expound unto him the scriptures from the acreation of Adam, laying the fall of man before him, and their carnal state and also the bplan of credemption, which was prepared dfrom the foundation of the world, through Christ, for all whosoever would believe on his name." (Alma 22:13)
This knowledge alone, that there is a plan for all of God's children, allows me to infer one thing: life needs to be perpetuated in order for all of God's children to be able to partake in the opportunity for growth and experience.
An understanding of the pre-existence is integral to understanding your purpose on earth. Before we came to live here on earth, we existed as spiritual beings or spirit children with our Father in Heaven. John 1:1-14 explains that Christ existed before this world was created and he was sent to help us find our way back to Heaven after gaining earthly experience. We also existed with him, and had to choose between following Christ and gaining bodies and experience, or following Satan and going the "easy" way (which would have disqualified us all for exaltation, because we wouldn't have been prepared for it). Every single person who comes to this earth was dwelling in Heaven prior, and can again through Christ's sacrifice and example, after all we can do.
There are many more spirits awaiting their turn on Earth. Every day, a new spirit comes to earth and another returns to Heaven, preparing for their next experience in their eternal existence. That said, there is only one way spirits can come to Earth and gain a body (that is, being born). As it so turns out, there's only one way someone can be born: conception as a result of a man and a woman coming together! The Lord commanded us to be fruitful and multiply so that we could help along more spirit children in their eternal progression. The biological distinctions between men and women are key to reproduction. A man and a man can not naturally bring forward children, nor can a woman and a woman. If life has value and a purpose, it makes sense that it should be continued. If there is only one way of obtaining that continuation, (the unification of male and female) then logic dictates that Heavenly Father would endorse that manner of relation.
In short, the first most important reason Heavenly Father has asked us to remain in heterosexual relationships is so that His work can be perpetuated here on earth. We each play a crucial role in carrying forth Heavenly Father's will. Personally, the concept that this is the one way we can help along God's children in their attempts to gain bodies and eventually eternal salvation is enough reason alone for me to know without a doubt that it's important we obey this law.
Along with nature only allowing the perpetuation of our species through heterosexual relations, and the spiritual significance of that perpetuation, we can look to the future for support of this family model. The role of a parent prepares our spirits in many ways for the next phase of eternity. Parenthood allows us to learn of eternal love, sacrifice, enduring all things, and gain a testimony of God's love for us by experiencing even a sliver of it for our own children. We learn patience and how to teach and guide in a loving way. No one is perfect in this, as no one is perfect in any other aspect. All the same, we are charged with this responsibility to rear our children and rely on Christ's atonement and teachings to learn how to fulfill our callings as parents. These lessons are huge and so beneficial for our spiritual progress.
If you didn't know, members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints believe in a Heavenly Father and a Heavenly Mother.
"Latter-day Saints believe that not only have we a father in Heaven, but a mother there. Why not have a mother as well as a father?"
Likewise, we believe that much of this earth-life, especially concerning the family, is modeled after the eternities. We are given commandments to prepare and refine our souls for the Celestial Kingdom. What our families look like is, in fact, a part of this practice. Heavenly Mother is equal to Heavenly Father in glory, standing as his eternal companion. The knowledge that we have two divine parents whom we are to model our lives after in order to learn and grow dictates that we must also establish a family here on earth that, if not providing experience in divine love as a parent, symbolizes our fruitful potential in the coming eternities.
Now, onto matters that may be more difficult to recognize from the outside. Men and women will have different callings in this life. In modern times, this is seen as controversial. However, when met with true understanding, these callings are clearly necessary and just.
We know that gender is an eternal aspect of our spirits. Gender, when seen through a spiritual lens, is understood not only to dictate what role you play in the creation of a child but the manner through which you develop spiritually. Men are called to serve others through the priesthood, learning selfless service and developing a strong relationship with Heavenly Father in order to be worthy to act in his name. They are called to action to physically carry forth all varieties of spiritual and temporal responsibilities. This is a Heavenly calling. Men are invited then to look beyond themselves or what's easy or convenient, work to build up their communities, and grow in compassion and love. Righteous priesthood holders are valiant leaders and defenders of precious and holy things. The priesthood is a powerful, awe-inspiring calling that should be honored by those who hold it and are benefitted by it.
It is the calling of women (a calling I deeply treasure) to be mothers in this world. The term "mother" has been dismissed, stomped on, undermined, and disrespected in modern times. The role of "mother" is seen as restraining, less than, and unfulfilling. This is an absolute shame. The world fails to see the divinity of motherhood. All women are mothers from the time they are created. Motherhood is not simply the bringing forth of new life. It is the nurturing, the teaching, the selfless sacrificing, and the moving about with compassion and intuition that every woman exercises. When you consider the helpless and meek and strive to protect and care for them, when you keep an eye on your neighbor's child in the front yard, advocate for responsible social or environmental behavior, or generally strive to improve your community, you are being a mother. Motherhood is a direct connection to our Father in Heaven in the most dignified and beautiful of manners. The raising of children, specifically, is challenging and incredibly spiritual. I will defend and advocate for womanhood and motherhood until my dying breath. No calling is more divine than that of a woman's.
Critics of the church often view this delegation of responsibility as unfair. They believe that the emphasis of motherhood and allowing men to have the priesthood is simply the suppression of women into eternal servitude. This belief, if I may speak boldly, is an emotionally-charged knee-jerk reaction and blatantly ignores the entire purpose of the priesthood. The priesthood is for serving. Motherhood is for serving. We both have so many of the same responsibilities that overlap. One calling is not more respectable or important than the other. It's just an efficient organization that promotes the development of our spirits. Is a teacher any less respectable or important than a nurse? No. Both play essential roles in the safety and stability of our society. One instructs and inspires while the other heals and saves. And often, teachers save through their inspiration and nurses educate. Neither is less than. Both are such integral to a functioning society. The same stands true for motherhood and the priesthood.
We need both roles in God's kingdom. They both accomplish so many of the same roles in different manners. There is no reason a woman should feel unloved or undervalued by her Heavenly Father because of the way he has allocated responsibilities to her. Likewise, a man shouldn't fall for the lie that he's any less of a divine being simply because he doesn't have the physical potential to give birth or be a mother. Both genders are eternal, essential, and divine.
Because we have responsibilities divided in such a manner, and because we have a Heavenly Mother and Father setting the standard for us, we must have both male and female leaders in the home in order to work towards exaltation. We can not negate or dismiss the vital role and power either gender presents.
I've heard many say that one day the church will permit same-sex temple marriages. They see this as the only loving, fair solution and insinuate that current policy stems from flawed bigotry. This is simply not the truth and most certainly not doctrinally sound. God has made His intentions clear and for all of the reasons I've outlined today, that sort of marriage is plainly not ordained of God. God's way leads to an exalted eternity. The world's ways don't. We can't openly defy God's plans with no intentions of trying to do better and still expect to receive his rewards.
Is this God's exclusion or our own disqualification of ourselves? When our professors tell us what we're going to have to do to get an A in the class (study habits, participation in class, materials to study, office hours, etc.) and we choose not to do it and end up with a poor grade, was that poor grade the result of a cruel professor, or our own choices? Some steps, no matter how difficult or inconvenient, are essential in order to obtain your desired result. You may find other classmates who also have defied the guidance of the professor who are also struggling and find comradery in them. This comradery doesn't negate the requirements for passing the class, nor will it relieve the consequences of not passing or having a low grade on your transcripts. The good news is, you can always repeat the class and try again to do better!
This is how every commandment works, from the law of chastity to the law of tithe and the commandment to love our neighbor. We are given clear instructions and an appropriate, dedicated time to obey. We are given instructors, tutors, and textbooks to help us clarify things we don't understand and prepare us for tests. If we responsibly do everything we are supposed to, we will get great marks and move on to the next grade! If we choose not to do these things, we don't get the rewards after.
To summarize, every single aspect of every single decision we make here on earth carries eternal weight. God is concerned about everything we do, from what we feed our bodies to who we marry and how we treat our neighbors. Every decision counts. Because God loves us, He's given us directions on how we can be worthy of the Celestial kingdom and stretch our spirits, rather than letting us flounder and only find our way back to him by chance. These instructions are clear, and we can be obedient to them as we endure and use the atonement.
I'm sure there are many of those who see it as unfair and cruel that God would create us in such a way that some of us would struggle with something so intimate and painful as same-sex attraction. Many believe that if it occurs naturally, there's no way it could be wrong. I want to assert this point; There are many things that are "natural" that must be worked on or refined or overcome in order to reach our goals. This doesn't mean that we're mistakes or worthless. This means we're humans, sent to this earth to overcome many things. Society has taught us that self-discipline and living with integrity are wrong. I seem to see messages daily which say that living authentically means obeying your every whim, urge, and instinct, rather than consulting your morals, principles, and making hard choices. However, strong character comes from refinement. I am my most authentic self when I choose to stick to my principles rather than give in to the loud voices of the crowd or become a slave to my every whim. Authenticity is being your best self, especially when everyone else would have you live otherwise. It is establishing a strong relationship with our Heavenly Father and standing by him in your testimony when the world would have you do differently.
I'd like to address those who have been hurt by the church's teachings on sexuality and gender, especially, those who've felt that their prayers have fallen on deaf ears. In many respects, I have counted myself among you. I, myself, have felt that my prayers were being ignored. I have felt unfairly ignored and even doomed for my very nature. I have prayed holes into the ground and turned mountains to dust with my efforts to receive relief even for just a moment from my pain and confusion. I have even stopped believing in God after no relief would come. I know very well the pain of believing that maybe God had damned you from the start and never truly loved you because of how He designed you. These feelings aren't dismissed by God and the brothers and sisters who know and love you. These are very real, very legitimate pains.
God allowed us weaknesses so that we could become strong. He has given us every tool to come back to Him. Christ died so that we might overcome and return home. This is love in its fullness. If you will hear it, I want to tell you that I know our Heavenly Father loves you, so very much. I know that you have a very good reason to hurt, but I also know that you have an extraordinarily good reason to celebrate. From my experience, we all are pained in the many numerous and varied ways we fall short. Society has really distorted God's teachings on love and convinced many of us to mistake human failures to be decent and kind for God's will or feelings toward us. Please don't confuse bigots for God's messengers. Also, keep in mind not to confuse God's straight and narrow path for bigotry. Simple counsel to behave differently is not an insult. We all must refine ourselves, thoroughly, in order to reach that highest reward. The beautiful part of that is, we are all truly capable.
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